


Not The End

by Ymas



Category: The Grand Tour (TV) RPF, Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Best Friends, End of an era, Epic Friendship, Gen, episode: s03e14 Funeral For A Ford
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 16:33:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18450407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ymas/pseuds/Ymas
Summary: 17 years of studio episodes come to an end. That's hard to deal with. For everyone. But Jeremy most of all.Spoilers for the last episode, Grand Tour series 3, episode 14, Funeral For A Ford!





	Not The End

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, that last bit was intense. I might have cried. And I needed a way to process. This is it.

They do try and rehearse that bit. In the afternoon, in the empty studio.

And Jeremy just cries.

 

'Once', they'd said. 'We will rehearse it once, no more', but they don't get to do even that.

 

Jeremy is crying by 'not the only British motoring institution coming to an end' and everyone stands there, feeling utterly helpless. Useless.

Not just Richard and James, but everyone.

 

Richard looks at him, his big, strong, eloquent mate, wondering how on earth they'll get through tonight's show.

He's rooted to the spot because it's vital, absolutely vital, that he keep his own composure.

They will be filming in two hours and he has no intention of breaking down on the telly.

 

Not that Jeremy has.

"I'll be alright", he'd assured them, when he brought in the script for a first discussion and they'd looked at him sceptically. "It's just the studio shows."

 

But they all know it's so much more than that. It's why they let him write every line in the whole bloody thing. Gave him free reign to put whatever words he wants into their mouths.

 

And it is one of the things worth crying for. That they've done this for so long, know each other so well, that every word Jeremy wrote for either of them is one they would have written themselves.

 

Jeremy chokes his way through the explanation of the new format and the announcement of the montage. Which they don't start to play, thank god.

 

Andy comes up, tears on his own face, and pulls Jeremy into a hug, just a brief one, but Richard still feels the overwhelming need to stare at the ceiling for a bit at that.

 

"Tell me what you need", Andy says.

 

Jeremy just shakes his head, breathing deeply.

 

"I could do that whole thing, you know, if you wanted me to. I could get us through it", James says, very quietly, but it's firm and clearly audible in the eerily silent studio. Even the technicians have stopped working and it seems like everyone is holding their breath.

 

James shifts from foot to foot, looks up. "You know I could", he says to Andy as much as to Jeremy.

 

And now Richard has to turn away, turn his back to them all because those memories on top of this, it's just too much.

 

Yes, James could do it.

Rather flippantly, very composedly, had he signed off their last Top Gear.

Not with 'on that bombshell' as they’d written into the script at the Beeb’s insistence, because ‘Top Gear is Top Gear, no matter who presents it’, but with a simple “thank you _very_ much for watching and… well, Goodbye!”. Because they had known it would be their last one.

Too much had happened to make reinstating Jeremy a realistic possibility and the BBC might not have known it at the time, _Jeremy_ might not have known it at the time, but it had never been an option to continue without him for either Richard or James.

He’d been very composed, yes.

But then, after that, James had locked himself into the presenters’ room in the portacabin and Richard had had to break the door down to get to him.

Honest to god had to get a hammer from the props room and break that fucking door down and Andy had stood guard while they'd held onto each other and cried about the life they'd lost.

 

Jeremy wipes at his eyes. "I know." he says. "I know you could. And you'd do a bloody brilliant job of it, too. But I... I need to do this myself. I just... I have to." He looks at them all through fresh tears, from one to the other. "If you let me?"

And it's full of insecurity, of doubt, and yes, him breaking down could result in them all breaking down, so it's nice of him to ask.

"Of course, Jezza", James says gently. "Whatever you need."

 

And Richard turns to Jeremy, too, and squeezes his arm, just above his elbow, for a second, two, three, four, before looking at the ceiling some more.

 

And then, by silent agreement, neither of them needs to say a word, they step off the stage and break off rehearsals.

 

And in equally silent agreement, Andy lets them.

 

 

***

 

And get through it, they do.

There is a first critical moment when the curtain lifts and Richard catches Jeremy's face crumpling a bit out of the corner of his eye. He plasters the fake smile a little more firmly on his own face and walks on, and so does Jeremy, not stopping to shake hands or give high fives like he usually does on the way in, but just going straight up to their little stage.

 

He is mostly alright by the time he needs to do the introduction and then they fall into routine and concentration and it all goes very well.

 

Until the dreaded _"We are"_. On which Jeremy breaks again.

But he does control it better than during rehearsals.

Until it almost goes completely downhill on _"us three"_.

But he skips a couple of lines and deflects with a desperate joke about ill-fitting jackets which almost gets them back on track, almost, and Richard wants to help but can't think of anything to do so he just says his lines and then, when Jeremy’s breath hitches again and he brings his hand up to half-cover his face, again, James just takes over and starts the introduction to the montage in Jeremy's place in an almost steady voice, giving Jeremy the time to collect himself.

And then at least the cameras are off their faces for four blessed minutes, even if the studio audience is still there and that is bad enough, because there are crying faces in there, too. Everywhere.

 

He looks from James, who is watching the montage with a stoic expression, over to Jeremy, who has his face hidden in his hands, to Andy, who is watching on the side-lines, tears freely running down his cheeks, into the audience who is clearly torn between laughing and crying, and settles on looking at the ceiling again in the end.

 

And if this is how they are when announcing the 'not-end', Richard doesn't want to even imagine how they would have been if it had actually been the 'end-end'.

 

For him, the hardest moment comes when they are back on after the montage and Jeremy gets all teary again and then Richard makes the mistake of looking at the audience and catching sight of Emily and Katya, sitting side by side, holding hands, faces wet, and he has to resort to some more ceiling staring immediately.

 

Thank goodness Jeremy skips about half the intended lines and saves the situation with some audience interaction. And yes, he is just that good.

Richard can see the crew exchanging wild-eyed looks because they don't quite know where to point their cameras now, but it's a genius move and the crew just has to deal.

Will deal.

 

And James is a star, grounding them all with just being there, calm and mostly composed, until finally, finally, Jeremy signs off, not on a bombshell, not on a disappointment, just on a heartfelt “See you, take care…” and it almost cracks Richard at the very end.

 

They don't linger with the audience as they usually do. Jeremy walks out immediately, James trailing after him.

Richard hugs Emily and Katya on Jeremy's behalf, but then strangers are starting to close in, questions being thrown at him, and it's too much.

 

Richard kisses both girls on the head with a 'later' and follows after his mates.

 

Thank god he doesn't have to break down doors this time.

They've been waiting for him.

 

And grieving for a lost era turns out to be so much easier, so much more liberating and cathartic, when it's all three of them and not just two.

 

"You cock", James says into the intimate space of shared breath and touches and dampness. "I almost had an unmanly moment because of you. In front of billions".

And Jeremy laughs wetly and Richard says "No one would have noticed, mate, Jeremy stole the show from all of us on that front." And it's all good.

 

This is not the end.

They are still together.

 

 

 


End file.
